


Little Me

by Stylinson5423



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-12
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-04 00:45:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4120327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stylinson5423/pseuds/Stylinson5423
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis, 1/5th of One Direction, world famous boy band, is always told how amazing he is and that he has such an amazing voice, but never really believing it. He never takes any solos, always in the back of interviews only speaking if spoken to directly, living in the shadow of a lonely and broken boy.<br/>Harry, 1/5th of One Direction, has always been in love with Louis. Harry has been known as the font man of the band, but little did anyone know he was dying on the inside, broken by the love he has for his best mate. Harry has seen how Louis has slowly been drawing inside of himself, and goes out of his way to tell him how beautiful his voice is and how wonderful he is. As time goes on thinking he could never be fixed...<br/>Will Harry always be a lonely boy in the spot light waiting for his best friend to fall in love with him, and along the way finding a way out of his darkness.<br/>~ May Contain: boyxboy, self harm, anerexia, and depression.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Misty Eye

_**Inspired by Misty Eye ~ Aiden Grimshaw** _

**Louis POV**

"LOUIS, LOUIS OVER HERE!"

"LOUIS, I LOVE YOU"

"LOUIS WILL YOU MARRY ME"

"LOUIS YOUR AMAZING"

"I LOVE YOUR VOICE"

All the girls and press say things like this daily when they see me walk out of my house, the studio, especially on stage, but I don't know why. I mean sure I'm part of the worlds biggest boy band, but there's nothing special about me, all I am is a boy who auditioned for a show and wasn't good enough to make it myself so they put me in a group with four other boys, the only problem is they are amazing singers and I'm just not. I know what your all thinking, why was I put in the group if I couldn't sing, well I don't actually know.

Right now the boys and I are being interviewed by Sugarscape, but I haven't been listening the whole time, I zoned out after Harry said something about me being his first real crush. You'd think I'd freak out at something like that, but we joke about things like that all the time so I just laughed along, but in reality all the smiles, laughs, the jokes, everything is just for the camera's, inside I'm breaking and I don't know if I can be fixed.

I try focusing on what's being said but it doesn't interest me anymore. All I want to do anymore is to lie in my bed and never leave. Getting up means more lying from the fans, paparazzi, management, and the boys. I know I'm slowly falling into a never ending abyss of my thoughts and feelings but I can't help it, I just want to go back and never audition for XFactor and I wouldn't have to worry about anything. No responsibility, no more constantly having to worry about going outside and being mobbed, and most of all, no more Harry Styles.

 

**Harry POV**

I can tell that something's bothering him, but I don't know what, he doesn't look happy anymore and anytime someone says anything about him being a good singer the smile-- that all the boys can tell is completely and utterly fake and forced recently-- fades and he mutters something about why does everyone keep saying that when they know it's not true.

Management is trying to push it under the rug like it's no big deal, we all go through our ruff patched. For some reason I just can't get rid of this nagging feeling that something bad is going to happen soon if we don't find out what's bothering him and how to get happy go lucky Louis Tomlinson back, my best friend, my one tru--

"So what do you think Harry?" My thoughts are cut short by the interviewer asking a question pointed towards me.

Why are they always aiming the questions at only me, sure I may be the most popular with some of the fans, but I'm not interested in any of them. Don’t get me wrong I love the fans, and I love what I do, I wouldn't want to do anything else. It's just sometimes and mostly as of the recent months everything is pointed towards me, like it's called One Direction not Harry Styles and One Direction. Shit I spaced out again.

"I'm sorry what was the question?" smiling sheepishly.

"I asked who was your first real crush," all the boys except Louis look at me with a look saying, 'yeah Harry who do you like.'

My mouth starts to move without my consent, "Louis Tomlinson," the boys eyes go wide and I try to play it off as a joke and it seems to fool the interviewer, but the boys don't look convinced in the least. Shit.

"That's lovely Harry," and she moves on to questioning another on of the boys.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm consumed back into my thoughts and soon the interview's over. We are walking off the stage and into the dressing room, trying to drag my feet as much as possible not wanting to have this conversation. To soon for my liking we are walking into the dressing room and as soon as the door is closed the questions come flying my way.

"Since when do you like Louis?"

"Since when are you gay?"

"Are you gay?"

All the questions coming at once and I didn't know how to answer them. I mean yes I am gay, but the boys don’t know, no one but my mom knows and she only found out when she caught me making out with a boy from my school a few years back and we never really talked about it after.

I was scared of how the boys would act when they found out, I mean we have to share a tour bus, dressing rooms, hotel rooms, a house, they wouldn't want me in the band anymore, they couldn't find out, not now, not ever.

"No, I'm not gay, and I don't like Louis that way, he's just a mate. It was a joke guys, chill," I snapped but I know they don't believe a word that just came out of my mouth, and I mean seriously, I didn't even convince myself.

"You know Harry, if you are gay we'd completely support you and wouldn't think an different of you," Liam said as Niall and Zayn nodded there heads and Louis was staring off into space, in his own little world. I swear my heart broke right then and there, if this is just because I was "joking" of having a crush on him, how would he react if I actually came out, how would he react when I tell him that I've loved him since the moment I laid eyes on him. That he's my reason for breathing, for waking up every morning, that if he left I would be crushed, that I wouldn't be able to function without him next to me.

"Well I'm not, so back off!" I said aggressively, as I pushed my way through and made my way to the car waiting outside for us. They can't find out, when they find out Louis finds out, and as soon as Louis finds out I won't be able to be on this world because without him I am absolutely nothing.

 


	2. Rejects

**Louis' POV**

 

 

After Harry ran out, the boys just looked at each other dumbfounded. They kept on giving me fleeting glances, but I don't know why. I hadn't been paying any attention to what was being said, to consumed in my own little world.

"Okay boys, let's not take a million years in here, alright?" Paul hollered over all of us. He walked in the room, looking around the room with a confused look. "Where's Harry?" I shrug my shoulders, while Zayn, Niall, and Liam look between each other before going into some story of what had happened and why he left.

I stood up and walked towards the dressing room door, not even giving the boys a second glance. I looked down at the ground, pulling at my sleeve lightly. I didn't want them to be able to see the fat that’s in rolls all over my body. I walked out the door, feeling slightly better without the boys staring at me, with my imperfect body, while they're all standing there with abs and six packs.

 

I hadn't been paying attention, my world felt like it was crashing down, I pushed lightly on the door to walk out to the car. I could hear someone yelling at me to wait up, but I ignored them. As the front door was opened I could hear the screams of the fans, that is until they saw it was just me and it died down almost immediately.

 

I looked around at all the fans, I gave a weak smile and a small wave, and they all go crazy. They are held back by the barricades, but for some crazy fans that doesn't stop them. I'm stood there, unable to move from my spot, feeling like my feet are glued to that spot, not able to move of my own accord.

 

I was pulled out of my little daze by a hand pulling at my shirt. I look over at the person, seeing a girl, maybe 10 or 11 years old, pulling down at the bottom of my shirt. I didn't really mind, I crouched down to her level, looking up to wave off security as I started to talk to her.

 

"Hello love, what's your name?" I ask with a smile on my face. One of the few times when I can smile genuinely is when I’m talking to little kids. They're so innocent, what's not to love. They don't point out every little flaw you have, they don't care if you are worthless, they love you anyway and you can always tell when it's genuine.

 

"Perrie," she says, shyly looking down at her hands that have now let go of my shirt. I think she's absolutely adorable.

 

"Well Perrie, where's mom?" I ask gently.

 

"She's over there," she points towards where Andy is holding back a woman. I could see the panic in her eye's and I don't blame her.

 

"ANDY!!" he turns his head to look at me, still holding back the now raging mother. "Let her through, this is her daughter," his eyes get wide and immediately let's her through, and she runs to us with a look of relief.

 

"Perrie, don't ever do that again! You scared me half to death!" she says to her daughter, before grabbing her and pulling her into a bone-breaking hug.

 

"Well I should probably get going. It was nice to meet you Perrie, I hope you have a lovely day," I say while standing back up. I stand in front of Perrie, whose mother had let go of. I picked her up giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek, before letting her down and walking to the sleek black car.

 

 

I slide in the very back, pulling out my IPod, plugging in the headphone, I leaned my head against the window waiting for the other boys so we could leave.

 

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

 

 

I feel someone shaking my shoulder lightly. I open my eyes, not even realizing I had fallen asleep. I look up to see who it had been that had woken me up, and of course I'm met with a pair of green eyes.

 

 

"Lou, wake up, we're here," he said slowly. I looked around the car, only now realizing we're the only one's left.

 

"Where are the boys?" I look out the window, only seeing walls of cement. We must be in a parking garage somewhere.

 

"They are already inside. Come on Lou," he lightly pulls at my sleeve, trying to get me to move. I look back at Harry, nodding my head sluggishly, my brain still half asleep.

 

I unbuckle my seatbelt, just sitting there for a second trying to wake up a little more before I have to join the world once more. I slide over to the door, seeing Harry standing there, looking deep in thought. I pretend not to notice, knowing Harry he will never tell me what's wrong, so why even try.

 

"Okay, lets go," Harry's head snapped to look at me so fast I thought he would get whiplash. He plastered on a fake smile, that I'm pretty sure he thought I would believe, but I saw right through it. Again I didn't say anything, no matter how much I wanted to.

 

He gave me a slight nod before turning around and leading the way to what I assumed was a pub, cause that's always where Niall wants to go to after an interview.

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Harry ran off to Liam, saying something before leaving the room. Liam and Niall were sitting down at some tables talking to the crew and some of the security, holding hands under the table, where you wouldn't see it unless you looked really close, and giving each other knowing smiles.

I stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do. I want to go and sit with Liam and Niall because they have the food, but I know that if they see me eating they'll think I'm some big lard who can't control himself around food.

Zayn came up to me and shook my shoulders. "You okay, Lou?" He asked with a concerned look spread across his features. He walked us as close to the door as we could be without leaving.

I smiled, it not quite meeting my eyes but I don't think he notice. "Course I am," I patted his back, "Why wouldn't I be?" _Oh, I don't know. Maybe because I'm just a big fat loser who can't sing or do anything ri-_

"You just seem out of it today is all," Zayn mumbled, looking up and down my body stopping at my stomach, with a worried gaze, he looked back up into my eyes. "Have you eaten today? You're really pale." We started walking back to the table.

I thought for a moment. _Let's see..... 80 Kcal coffee with two spoonful's of Splenda, a cigarette..._ "Of course I have," I lied, forcing a playful smile . "Gee, what is with you and worrying lately? You're not a father yet, mate," I winked and took my seat. He sat across from me.

I looked around the table.. "Where's Harry?" I asked Liam, who was sipping on a fruity drink and giggling at some picture someone had  sent him. He ignored me, so I shoved his arm lightly. "Did you hear me? Where's Harry?" I asked again, a little more aggressive the second time.

He looked up. "Oh, what?" I let the question set in. "OH! Harry went to the restroom a few minutes ago.. Said he had bad sushi at the studio today." He went right back to that goddamned phone completely ignoring my presence.

_Oh, no. Wasn't anyone concerned? We all knew how he was after interviews._

I vocalized my concern. "Well, isn't anyone going to check on him?" I looked around at everyone. They all sat around, drinking alcohol and giggling at each other as if I hadn't said anything, as if I wasn't there at all. I was furious. They all knew about him, and they ALL knew to be concerned. And yet, they sat there. Doing nothing.

I stood up, kicking my chair back. "Well, if none of you imbeciles  are going to do anything about it, I will. God, sometimes, I really think you guys only worry about yourselves!" I yelled, jogging to the place where Harry was not stopping to see their reactions to my outburst.

 

 

 

 

 

**Harry's POV**

 

 

 

 

 

 

As soon as we walked into the pub, I told Liam some bullshit excuse I knew he'd believe so I could get away from all of them. He just shrugged me off, so I figured I was in the clear.

I decided to go outside; far enough to be away, close enough to come back, and think for a bit. I cursed myself for saying anything to those interviewers. Why did I have to say Louis? It was true; he'd been my first and only crush, but why didn't I just lie? Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut? He probably hates me now. The boys probably think that I'm just some twink that joined the band to see them flex. They'd probably think that I didn't like music, or even worse: That I'd try to get with them. Which, I suppose is an accurate accusation; but, I only like Louis. I wouldn't dare shove myself at him unless I knew he wanted me to. But why would he? He's straight, he's got Eleanor.. And, even if he was gay, he could find someone so much better than me.

I sat on top of a nearby dumpster and dwelled on these things. It wasn't long before the man of the hour showed up. He lifted himself on the recycle bin right next to me. We  both stayed quiet for a few moments, neither of us daring to break the silence.

"Hey, you okay?" Louis asked, worry filling his voice quicker than air to my lungs.

I shrugged, "If you call that interview okay, then yes. I'm absolutely fantastic," I smiled mockingly at him and then looked back down at my scuffed boots.

He grabbed my hand. "No, I don't believe that for a second," He whispered. My heart was beating so fast I was afraid it would burst forth from my ribcage. "Wanna talk about it?"

I shook my head slowly, not wanting to tell him everything going on in my head.

 

Everything just seems to always go wrong with me around. I don't know what to say to him, I know he's not going to leave me alone with just that, he will bug me until I crack. I can't crack this time, because how do I tell the man I love that I don't want to be here anymore?

 

 

That every time I see him with his girlfriend, I feel like my heart is being ripped in to?

 

 

That without him I feel like my whole world is breaking around me, leaving nothing but devastation?

 

 

That I don't plan on being here anymore when he wakes up the next morning?

 

 

I come up with a quick lie, one I know he won't believe, but at least it will get him off my back. "I'm just sick and tired of these interviewers asking the same questions every time, they never change it up and there always about things I really don't want to discuss for the whole world to know about.

 

He gives me a worried look, but doesn't say anything. "Okay. If there's anything else, know I'm always here for you no matter what," was the only thing he said before sliding down from the dumpster, walking back towards the pub.

 

He looks back down the ally, giving me an expectant look. "Are you coming?" I nod, but don't move from my spot.

 

"Yeah, I'll be in, in a few minutes," he gives me a worried looks, but doesn't say anything.

 

He lets out a huff of air before nodding his head, looking pained by doing this.

 

"Don't stay out here long… okay?" I smile at him widely, before nodding.

 

He gives me one last glance, before turning and walking out of the alley and down the street, in the direction of the pub.


	3. I'm A Mess

**Harry's POV**

 

As we walked back, I was so deeply immersed in my thoughts I didn't even notice we had made it back to the pub. I waited for Louis to make his way back over to the others, made sure none of the other boys had noticed my presence, and made a beeline for the bathroom. As soon as I shut and lock the door, I rested my back against it while sliding down until my knees were against my chest. Repeating in my head, deep breathes

 

_In and Out._

 

_In and Out._

 

Just because he is playing with your fragile heart, doesn't mean you can let him win. It has been months since I last caved to the urge, and look what happened then.

 

 

***Flashback***

 

 

 

It's now week 10 of the X-Factor. We had the day off because we got to go to each of our hometowns for some unknown reason, well unknown to me.  should really pay more attention when the producers are talking to me.  As soon as we got to my home, which just happened to be the last stop of the day, my mom gave was giving me a look that said "we need to talk, Now". I made up some shit excuse that I need to use the bathroom so the cameras wouldn't follow while I went upstairs.

I walked into my moms room, sat on the bed opposite the door and waited agonizing minutes for her to show up. As I stood up to walk out and check to see if she went to my room, she walked in, slamming the door behind her, making me jump.

"Pull up your sleeves," I can tell she is trying her hardest to keep her voice low as not to have the other boys or the camera crew notice us and come snooping.

"Why?" I weakly asked as I fiddled with one of bracelets not covered by the sleeve of my shirt.

"Oh I don't know," she steps closer with each word.

"Maybe because I want to see what's so fascinating about your bracelet," her voice slowly rising with the fall of her feet on the hardwood floor.

"Or maybe why you're wearing sleeves in the middle of July." I was really scared at this point. Standing only about a foot away, she grabs my arm, flipping it forearm-up and slowly pulling back my sleeve. I shut my eyes, waiting for what she says next.

"Or maybe it's because I had to find out you were cutting by you wearing a short sleeve shirt last week on stage and the neighbor came over to mention it!" By this point, she was screaming and I'm ninety-nine point nine percent  sure everyone downstairs could hear what was going on and being said.

I slowly open my eyes, "Mom, I'm sor-" I cut myself short when I noticed the door partially open. Standing there in the doorway, was the boys, Simon -- who I don't remember coming with us --, and the camera crew. Their mouths hung agape with a look of horror when my mom stepped aside and they got a full view of my mangled and torn arm. I stood frozen in place as the cameras moved in to fully capture all the glory.

"Get out!" That was all it took for me to snap back into reality. I ran past everyone and into my old bathroom. I don't actually know who Simon was yelling at, but I've got a pretty good guess it was the camera men.

 

As I rummaged through the drawers  searching for my old stash I faintly heard the others calling to me, but it sounds distant. I also can't let them try talking me out of what I'm about to do. If I listen to what they say, if I even hear Louis' voice, I know I won't go through with it. I can't bring the boys down with me. By tomorrow, it will be all over; the media and our careers are over. I can't let that happen.

Finally, I find what I'm looking for. Shivers of fear and excitement run through my body as my fingers come in contact with the ice cold metal. I pull the blade out of the drawer and go back to pull out a bottle of pills filled with any sleeping pill I could find when I was fourteen.

I set the bottle on the counter and grabbed the blades. There was about seven or eight all together. I ran my fingers along the edge of each and everyone of them, testing which one was the sharpest. I chose the sharpest one out of the bundle, placing the other ones down next to the pill bottle.

After internally battling myself again, I grab a plastic cup and filled it with water. I picked up the bottle of pills, opened it, and placed it on the ground. Sitting down right next to it, I blindly grab at the counter trying to find the blade I had picked out. When my fingers come in contact with the cool metal, I pulled it off the edge and into my fist, clenching it as tight as I can until I've got blood running down my arm.

I pull the blade from the wound in my hand and place it inbetween my thumb and forefinger, then put it on my wrist with as much force on it as possible. I can't hear anything of the boys pounding anymore; all I can focus on is pressing the blade into my wrist and pulling as hard as I can in the opposite direction. I feel the sting of pain as the skin is torn. I replace the blade and do it again, and again, and again, until I'm dizzy from the amount of blood I've lost at this point.

Before I can pass out I grab the bottle of pills and open my hand that’s pooling with blood from all the open wounds, and empty twenty or thirty different pills into it. I tip my head back, throwing all the pills into my mouth at once. I picked up the cup of water that's sitting next to me and downed pills with it.

Almost immediately, I can feel the effects of the medication. I lay my head back against the cool tile of the floor, my eye lids drooping, feeling too heavy to keep any longer. Just as the edges of my vision goes fuzzy, I see the door being shoved open by the force of something. I can't tell anymore, everything is spinning and I can't tell which is the real thing 'cause there's about three of everything.

My eyes close one final time and I only catch, "You can't leave me," before everything goes black.

 

***End of Flashback***

 

 

 

When I woke up, I was in a hospital with the boys sleeping in the chairs surrounding my bed. They all had tear tracks running down their faces. But what really made me vow was when Louis woke up screaming for me, screaming that I couldn't die, that he needed me.

Slowly but surely I gained there trust back after going through a recovery program for a month. I still blame myself for the fact we lost X-Factor; none of the boys did but I did. We had gotten booted off 'cause I was unconscious for the final performance  and the boys refused to go on with out me. They said it wasn't One Direction with out all five boys. The doctors had told me that they refused to leave my room afraid I wouldn't wake up.

I've almost gone back to that point more than once since that night. Ever since I got out of treatment ,it seems like the boys have distanced themselves from me; all of them except Louis. Well, Louis has too, but at least he still talks to me and realizes when I just need a friend. The other boys, since the incident, have acted like I don't exist. The only time they even pay attention to me is when we have interviews. During performances they even act like I'm not there. I'm pushed off to the side until I have a solo. I don't get praise for doing well, I don't get comfort when I do terrible, and sometimes I really just need the boys to support me.

One of these days I know all of this pent up sadness and need for their help will all burst out at once and I don't know if I'll make it out alive the next time it happens. What scares me the most is I don't know if I even want to.

 

 

 

**Louis' POV**

 

We were getting up to leave when I noticed someone was missing. I spun around in a circle, searching with fear rushing through my veins. I turned around to the boys.

 

"Guys, where's Harry?" by this time I'm in a bit of a frenzy, I can't loose him, not after I almost did last time.

 

 

***Flashback***

 

We slammed into the door one more time and finally it burst open. I rushed to Harry's side just as his eyes started to close.

 

"Harry!? Harry! No, no, no you can't leave me!" I'm screaming at him, scared to death of what's going to happen. Scared he's going to die on me. Italicise that, it'll look better.

I hear someone scream behind me, "Call 911!" I look at Niall, who was just as frantic as me. He's deathly pale and looks like he could pass out at any second now.

 

I can hear a commotion coming from  downstairs, but I don't pay any attention to it. All of my focus is on Harry. I look around the room for something to cut off the blood flow, or at least slow it down so he doesn't bleed out. I find a towel and wrap it around his wrist as tight as I can; it is soaked with blood almost instantly. I look around to see if he took anything. As I'm searching the floor, I finally find a bottle, but it doesn't have a label. It's a large bottle with nothing in it, so I assume he took the entire contents.

 

I drop the bottle on the floor and run over to him, getting on my knees and placing my hands on his stomach. I pressed down over and over, trying to get him to throw up the pills. After five miserable minutes, he finally does. I turn him on the side, hoping to God that he would be okay.

 

***Flashback***

 

I couldn't loose him, not like I almost his before.

 

I looked around the room at the other boys but they act as if I never said anything at all, except Niall; but, he made no movement to say anything.

 

"HEY," I yelled as loud as I can. All the boys and crew, even some of the fans outside, stopped and looked at me with wide eyes. I'm not usually one to speak out like this, but I'm in fear for Harry. The images of his lifeless body on the floor ran through my head. "Thank you for finally paying attention to what I've got to say. Now, has anyone seen Harry? 'Cause last time I saw him he was in a bad spot and I don't want to replay what happened all those months ago when we  were on X-Factor at his home in Cheshire."

 

I saw them all look at each other as if they didn't remember the gruesome sight. They looked back at me and shook their heads; everyone but Niall.

 

"I saw him walking really fast towards the toilets, but I didn't think much of it. That was back when you had walked in like an hour ago." My eyes go wide as I look at the closed door. I rushed to the door as if my life depended on it, and, in a way -- _it did._

 

 


	4. Time-Bomb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know, none of these chapters have been edited, I plan on doing that once I'm completely done with this story so I'm sorry for all of the mistakes.

**Louis' POV**

 

 

I looked at Niall with wide eyes. Zayn and Liam were looking rather confused, looking back and forth between each other and me. Every time they glanced at me I could see a hint of panic, but almost like they didn't want to believe it.

"Niall you idiot!" I scream at him. I could see the fear in his eyes, but right now I don't even care, all that matters is Harry. "You know what happened last time someone confronted him. I don't know what you three were talking to him about, I don't really care,  but I do know I found him outside, sitting on a dumpster, with his eyes glazed over like he wasn't even here," I was seconds from a breakdown.

 

"I'm sorry, I didn't think anything of it. You know him, he's always of on his own," Niall said, but I don't think he agreed with what he had said.

 

"Just because he's always on his own, doesn't mean he's okay. He looked about ready the break, and we've all seen him at that point before, do you all want him to go back to that point again? I'd say it's all of your guy's fault were at this point again. You never talk to him anymore, for the first time in months you had a conversation with him and what do you do? You scream at him for god knows what. You should be ashamed of yourself, he's supposed to be your friend," with that I walk towards the closed bathroom door, not waiting for their reactions, I can't deal with them right now.

 

As I got closer to the door my breathing sped up, I didn't know what I would walk into and that terrified me. I could still see the pools of blood in the bathroom of his home back in Cheshire. I don't think any of the boys have noticed, but I still wake up screaming for him, it happens almost every night. Over the last two months they have gone down some, but I still wake up in a cold sweat from the vivid nightmares of him dying.

 

The bathroom seems to be moving farther and farther away, I know it's not, but the feeling alone is making me panic. My vision is blurring with the tears that are gathering in my eyes at the images running through my mind of him, on the ground, bloody and dying.

 

I can't take it any longer.

 

I sprint to the door, not caring that I probably look like I'm crazy. I go for the door knob, trying to open the door only to find it locked. My breathing picked up even more, the world around me started to go fuzzy. I didn't know what to do, the world was crashing down around me.

 

"Harry, Harry, open the door," I say knocking on the door, trying to keep my calm. "Come on Harry I know you're in there."

 

I stood there for a second waiting to see if he would open the door, or at least say something to me to let me know he was okay.

 

After a minute I started to really freak out when I was still met with complete silence. I felt a hand on my shoulder making me jump slightly in surprise. I look up to see Paul standing there with a key in hand. Behind to cool, calm, and collected demeanor you could see he was nervous about what's going to be behind the door.

 

I stepped back a step, giving him just enough room to place the key in the door knob. I took that time to look back at the boys, to see them a few feet behind us, looking at the door expectantly. I was so angry at them, they don’t say anything to him for months outside of interviews, they pretend he's not even there, but all of a sudden when there's a chance he could be behind that door dead, they act as if they’re best friends again.

 

I was about to go off on them, but I never got the chance.

 

My breath caught when I heard the click of the lock being opened. My head snapped in the direction of the door so fast, I thought I was going to break my neck.

 

Paul stepped back, giving me room to get to the door. He gave me a look, telling me, 'you do it'.

 

That's all it took, I wasted no time. I ran to the door, ripping it open and ready for whatever I was met with.

 

But what I was met with was not at all what I expected.

 

Harry sat there on the floor with a bottle of vodka, he had already finished half of it and that scared me.

 

But that wasn't the worst thing.

 

There was another bottle next to him, but this one was empty. Not only was it empty, but it was broken off with jagged edges and pieces scattered everywhere. He held a piece in his hand, holding it to his wrist.

 

"Harry! What are you doing!" I surged forward, ripping the glass out of his hand.

 

I winced slightly as it cut into my hand, but I didn't care, all that mattered was Harry didn't have it and hadn't set it to his wrist yet.

 

"You promised, you told me you would never do this again," my voice broke at the end. "Why would you do this to yourself, you've been doing so well," I say as tears start to trail down my face, no longer able to hold them in.

 

Harry looked up at me, his eyes glistening with tears. "I'm sorry Louis," he looked down at his hands. "I couldn't do it anymore. I can't take being ignored, the fake smiles in interviews, I just can't take being alone," he finished.

 

"Oh Harry. Come here," I held my arms open for him.

 

It took no time at all before I sat there, cradling Harry in my arms. Harry's head was placed in the crook of my neck as I rocked him back and forth.

 

His breathing slowed considerably, and before long he was dead asleep. I don't know if he wore himself out from the crying, or if it's from all the alcohol he drank.

 

The boys and Paul were standing there in the door way, there was not a dry eye in the room.

 

I set Harry down on the ground, standing up before bending down and carrying him bridal style placing his head in the crook of my neck before I walked out of the bathroom. The boys stepped out of my way as I walked across the thresh hold into the main part of the pub.

 

I stopped for a second when I was about to walk out into the underground parking garage.

 

I turned to the boys, talking to them first. "I hope your happy with yourselves, you finally broke him," I saw the remorse on the faces, but I didn't care. I turned away from them to Paul, holding out my hand the best I can without dropping Harry. "Paul, can I have the car keys?" he nodded his head, handing them over.

 

With that, I walked out the door and towards the car, placing Harry in the backseat, I got in the driver's side and drove off without a second glance.


End file.
